Listening
Someone once said that if
you want to be interesting, you need to be interested. The person who
rattles on and on and on, regardless of the topic of conversation, demanding
to be the center of attention, dragging all the energy to him- or herself,
understands little about human relationships and makes others look for
a quick exit. Indeed, such people only do monologues, perhaps skillfully
punctuated by the feigned politeness of a brief foray into dialogue, but
never rising to the level of real conversation. And the fact that they
show no interest in you or your views makes them doubly uninteresting.
Most people, thankfully, are not so totally self-absorbed as to be incapable
of entering into the give and take of conversation, the joy of contact
with others.
But rather than judge others in
terms of their degree of self-centeredness, we strive to listen well, to let the
other person be heard. Listening changes the entire event into a direct
relationship, a more essential contact between oneself and the other person.
To really listen, to actively
listen to another person, we need to be quiet inside and give our open-hearted
attention to him or her. Usually, though, as someone talks to us, we are
anything but quiet inside. Instead of listening to the other person, we
passively listen to all our own reactions and thoughts. We begin formulating
and rehearsing responses. We grow anxious to reply, to rebut, to interrupt,
to get our thoughts out before we forget them. But when we can let our
reactions and thoughts come and go, listening quietly to the other person,
in an open, accepting way, without judgment, we create a space, an atmosphere
that produces a profound effect both on ourselves and on others. We postpone
the preparation of our responses, our disagreements and disputes for later,
for our turn to speak. In the meantime, we just listen.
When you can be so quiet inside
that you can rest in consciousness while the other person speaks, consciousness
may open to include both of you. In that moment you participate in a deeper
communication, beyond words and speaking. You touch the essential unity we all
share, healing the divisions. Then the words float on the surface, yet you honor
them nonetheless.
The practice of listening helps dissolve our identification with
our views and opinions, with ourselves. This practice brings fluidity
and sets the stage for becoming able to listen to our intuitive wisdom,
to the silent voice of the spirit.
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