Out of Many, One

Within ourselves we are legion, a sometimes roiling mass of contradictory, incompatible impulses, desires, goals, and interests, each of which has will, the will to promote its own agenda, and most of which harbor implicit dedication to our ego, the virtual, chameleon-like self that masquerades as our true and constant I. We believe we are one person, unified, because each shard of will takes total charge momentarily before smoothly giving way to another, perhaps opposing, impulse. These transitions are generally unnoticed. At any given moment, we seem to be a unity, even if our direction in the very next moment belies the appearance of consistency. This pseudo-unity is our illusory ego, which sits atop the multiplicity of conditioned patterns that make up our personality.

Gurdjieff prescribed the inner work of impartial self-observation as a starting point to remedy our situation. Self-observation shows us the reality of our splintered inner life and casts doubt on the very existence of our ego. We can see, for example, that our thoughts come and go of their own accord and that we nevertheless believe that they represent us. This is the fundamental mistake that gives our automatic, self-generated thoughts, and the ego they espouse, the power to fool us. Seeing that mistake helps correct it.

The impartial quality of rightly-conducted self-observation erects a big tent within us, which welcomes our many parts and starts the process of bringing us toward true unity. When the many parts begin to realize that they are not the whole and that they need each other, their separate wills begin to coalesce into the whole that is our singular I. Our many I's become one I, our own individualized and free will.

A change in our being fosters this change in our will. Being concerns energies: their quantity, quality, and organization. Self-observation increases our contact with the conscious energy. The practices of sensing our body, feeling our feelings, and cognizing our mind increases our sensitive energies. The work of presence, which is built around the will of attention and the will to be, organizes several levels of energy: the sensitive, the conscious, and the creative. Because the conscious and creative energies have a much broader scope than the narrow time-slice claimed by any one impulse in the parade of our many I's, this change in being creates a place in us suitable for our individualized will, our singular I.

This unified I is transformative, because it subsumes and integrates our many I's, and because it is the kernel of our connection with the sacred. Our real I is a doorway through which we can participate in the recapitulation of the whole process on another level, the planetary level, and further also on the universal level, wherein the many individuals, without losing their freedom and individuality, discover their unity.

Coming into the unity of our own individual will, our I, enables us to see more deeply, to see into the continuous field of will within and behind everything that exists. Take any simple object close at hand and look into its reality from its point of view. Recognize its will to be itself. This is not anthropomorphizing, because objects, unlike people, have only rudimentary will, neither individualized nor free. Nevertheless, will is will, and we all emerge from and have that one, continuous field of will at our core: people, animals, plants, objects, the Earth, the Sun, stars, galaxies, and space itself. This is a reality to be seen and touched and felt within our heart of hearts, a reality to open ourselves to, a greater whole that we can enter.

Our personal will, which directs our attention and chooses what we choose, is who we are. This is not about our awareness, our consciousness. It is about the true I who is aware, who is conscious. The will of the One, the Creator, infuses the whole of creation, including everything around us, and is the direct, intimately connected source of our individual will, of who we are. The I of the Creator, the I of every one of us humans, and the will in everything around us are not separate. This is Love.

We can contemplate this unity of will and live it, as we go about our day.

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